To clear my mind and deal with my thoughts, I tend to write or keep myself occupied with tasks. I wondered where it was that I got this attribute from.
My father has been a source of inspiration for me. Growing up I wondered why my father had been so stubborn and hard to deal with. Always wondering why it was that he would spend endless hours working.
Unconsciously I gained some of his traits, realizing that it was the tough times he had witnessed in life that led him down a path of workaholism. I’ve been trying to work on my mental health for a few years now, slowly figuring it out. Sadly, for my father and many other men this conversation is still taboo.
My father got married while still in high school. He had dreams of pursuing his passion in Farsi poetry at a post secondary school in Kabul. Unfortunately, the reality of a war came quick and the birth of my brother expedited his adulthood. He was walking on a tightrope, fearing everyday for his life, and carrying the responsibility of sustaining a family took a toll on him.
As a teenager, I couldn’t grasp the sacrifices my father made for our family. From seeking refuge in multiple countries whilst never complaining to us, to never leaving my family hungry even if it meant him having to risk his health everyday. I was told by him that I won’t truly understand his sacrifices until I have kids of my own, and I trust his wisdom.
Yesterday, I placed my graduation cap on my fathers head, for truly it was his efforts that has allowed me to pursue the life I live. Alhamdulillah, I do feel accomplished at times; but to compare it to the work my father has done, I still have a long way to go.
I pray that I learn from him, and through the awareness of the trauma that he has experienced that I make sure to be a positive figure in ensuring the healing of the Qurban family. I am slowly figuring out what this really means.
PS. Pray for my grandmother, she is currently in the hospital in a critical condition. I used this moment to write some things down, as I ponder about what love for family really means.
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